She concedes that her ex is an “excellent parent” and that though she felt guilty about the decision, she’s also happy to “reconnect” with who she was before she became a mother. The anonymous dad explained that in the first few months of fighting for visitation with his toddler son, he was paying rent on his house and his ex’s, paying court fees, and interim child support—plus he had to pay for his own lawyer while his ex got one for free. An anonymous mom on Reddit shared that she had just left her family after years of struggling as a working mom. Would she be the third? Share on Facebook; Share on Twitter; Watch on Demand. Losing some friends and family members in the process, Mrs Collins said revealing her situation to strangers made her realise just “how cruel women could be” to one another. A family hired a live-in nanny who did fine for a few weeks before refusing to leave her room. She wrote that while she loved her daughter, she couldn’t stand the daily demands of raising a child. Freelance writer & homeschool mom with a passion for writing lifestyle and entertainment, parenting, educational, and career articles in a variety of online spaces. WE often hear of absentee or deadbeat fathers, but … Brooke and her sister, Paige Hyland, left Dance Moms a few seasons ago and there have been some discrepancies about why they got the boot. And when she did show up, the ex demanded child support but didn’t want to share custody of the little girl. In Sweden, parents are entitled to 480 days of paid parental leave when a child is born or adopted. One anonymous dad admitted on Reddit that he effectively walked out on his daughter because her mom was “a terrible person” and kept him from his daughter for the first year or more of her life. Personally, I could never leave my children but if I was the type of mother who was prone to emotional problems and felt that I could not cope or might harm them then I like to think I would be brave enough to make the right decision and leave them. “My ex and I aren’t getting what we thought we would have [in a family] when we started,” she started. She was in and out of the hospital and struggling, she told Stuff, and finally decided to leave when her therapist pointed out that she had the choice to leave. The judgment got to a point where I stopped talking about it because I had such shame. At the time, this “dad” lived across the country, so he paid child support while the kids were with their mom. Men who break their promises and betray their families usually have no room or time to think about regret. She worked her way toward a writing career, but a move for a new job meant taking the kids from their dad. All times AEDT (GMT +11). Her other five kids ranged in age from eighteen months to seventeen years, and most of them feel their mother abandoned them, though the eldest three were then leaving with their father (a different ex-husband than the other two children’s dad). As Today reported, years later, Oscar would travel via plane to visit his mother on holidays and summers, and Rebekah noted that they were very close and communicated constantly. by Olivia Pennelle | Jan 13, 2021 | Resources | 0 comments. Her grief was all-consuming, she acknowledged, but about two years later, two of her kids decided to move with mom, and it all came together. “She had my older sister living with her, and a new baby with her new partner,” Teigan said. Teigan’s “hardest years” of not having a mother figure was during puberty and high school, when it felt like everyone else had a mum except her. “I get judged and cop a lot for doing what I did, but you have to make the best of it. They’re open and honest about their reasons for leaving without their kids. It’s hard to say, but our increasingly me-first world might have something to do with it. Maria Housden never thought she’d lose one of her children, but when her oldest child was diagnosed with cancer and then passed away before the age of three, the entire family suffered. But years later, her husband changed his mind, and rather than give up her marriage, the woman agreed to have a baby. one women left her children to pursue her career in writing! She knew what the social repercussions of the decision would be, but years later, she reflected that her relationship with her children was healthy and hadn’t suffered from the change. After his ex lodged charges, the dad had to spend a ton of money fighting back in court but still lost all his rights to his child. “As a woman and a mother, your damned no matter what you do,” she said. “My Dad really stepped up, and as I got older it became normal not to have her around. Melissa, who is now 48-years-old and works as a freelance writer, said when the decision was made for her to move away, it was very difficult to make her young boys understand what was happening. Whereas poor women used to migrate primarily to reunite with family, they are increasingly migrating in search of wages to support their children. Pregnancy and parenting news, given to you in a way nobody else has. In the end, though, Natalie was able to get out and get better without impacting her kids’ lives too much. While Teigan continued to visit her mother every second weekend after her older sister moved in with her, she felt “quite forgotten” by her mum — especially when she had a new baby. “We are now in quite a good place, but it’s going to take time to have that relationship,” Teigan said. When she was almost four, her mum — who “enjoyed going out with friends, and had a party lifestyle” — left her and her older sister with their father. Childcare challenges force some working moms to put their careers on hold. “It felt like I was just in the same house she was in, and I never spent a long time with her.”. Still, he showed up to the scheduled C-section and saw his twin children born—paternity tests confirmed it. Though she and her husband tried to salvage their marriage, Sarah admitted that she hadn’t truly “tried” so much as given in. At the end of the day, she explained, she missed the relationship she had with her husband, but she didn’t feel bad for leaving at all. Melissa said while she “isn’t a traditional mother,” and her boys get very angry sometimes, she is making the best of her decision — and mothering her sons in the best way that she can. When Teigan turned 10, her mother separated from her partner and moved to the North Island of New Zealand with her two sisters. Women who leave their marriages and children break one of societys biggest taboos. Why do some mothers leave their children? Someone just quit and the job is mine if I’m interested, but no hard feelings if the timing isn’t right due to … The move only added to Teigan’s feeling of distance with her mother. We never cuddled, there was nothing there,” she said. A young mom who had her son Oscar at age 18, Rebekah Spicuglia hadn’t yet gone to college or even decided what she wanted to do with her life. For many parents, it’s unfathomable to even consider leaving their children behind. The result of this was his wife delivered divorce papers to an inpatient facility he was staying at to try and get better. Dwayne said that he “walked away” from his kids because he didn’t think he was a good enough dad to them. When she realized her marriage was over, Lauren Derrett told her husband she wanted to separate. So she chose to “remain actively passive,” Kate told Stuff, and visited the children every other weekend. It is certainly a good point of view to realize life could be alot worse and that you must understand their isn't anything wrong with you that your mother failed as a parent. Family Is Finally Able To Evict Nanny Who Refused To Leave Their Home. “My ex-husband and I came to the understanding that he would have the hardest job, and I have the saddest one.”, Melissa Collins will appear on Insight to talk about why she left her children.Source:Supplied. WHEN Melissa’s sons were just six and seven, she made the ‘traumatising’ decision to leave them and move away. Despite social stigma, more moms are giving up custody to the father of their children in divorces. Another Reddit dad admitted to leaving his kids behind, but the way he tells the story, you might just understand his rationale. Tweet. She had felt trapped by motherhood and her marriage, so when she took a university course and met a younger man, she fled to be with him. “I didn’t want to break it off in a blaze of glory,” Melissa told news.com.au, who will also appear on tonights episode of Insight on SBS One. She and her then-husband went on to have more children together, Today reported, but their marriage didn’t last. There are 2.4 million moms who don't have custody of their kids (versus 8.6 million single moms) and there are 2.6 million single dads. She stayed a few more weeks, then moved just before my birthday.”. One “absent father” explained on Oprah’s Lifeclass the exact reason he left his family, and as Huffington Post reported, it had plenty of involved parents scratching their heads. Melissa said the first few weeks were actually the easiest, and it was after the first month away from her children that the “terrible, painful grief” of her decision really set in. In fact sometimes a father leaving is seen as a good thing; that a broken home is better than an unhappy one. i mean how can you do that? Melissa had four kids when she and her husband separated. When a Reddit user asked others for honest responses to the question “why did you walk out on your children?”, one dad told a heartbreaking tale. “Dad” transferred child support payments to the new caregivers and still declined to “[step] in as their permanent parent.”. Parents who leave their kids behind are often vilified in the media, and it’s usually moms who fare worse than dads. “They were so little when I left, and they just wanted to know why,” Mrs Collins said. When the pair split, Te-Erika continued to struggle as an undergrad working part-time. For “Kieran,” a dad of two, when his relationship soured with his children’s mother, his kids began to suffer. news.com.au — Australia’s leading news site. But six months after their separation, her ex called her and said he wanted full custody. At the same time, he claims to “love [his] baby girl so much,” but opted to stay away altogether when the baby’s mother told him he couldn’t come in and out of her life on a whim. Both parents spoke with a child psychologist separately, and ultimately, the psychologist recommended that Kieran stay away for a few weeks and see what happened. And while most of us would think, why didn’t he just start working on becoming a better man for them, at least he’s being honest about his feelings. Of the rumors and gossip and criticism she faced, Lauren wrote, “That does not define us as parents that does not mean that I am the devil and that most defiantly does not mean that he’s the saint.”. “What I did was right for me and my children, and if you really love your kids, you will do what is right for them.”. “I was crying on my kitchen floor all the time,” she said. Make the most of the wonderful life you have that she helped give you. He was an unwilling participant when it came to his former flame getting pregnant with their child, and he wasn’t sure he was really the father. Her ex had more stability, Maria acknowledged, but when he asked to become the primary caregiver, Maria balked at first. Not everyone can bring themselves to stay. In what had been an “on again, off again marriage”, Melissa’s final straw in separating from her partner was a “no brainier” that had stemmed from a long period of “exhausting everything possible” to make their marriage work. Christine Spines comes from two generations of wives who did just that. He didn’t want it to end, but what he really didn’t want was for me to take the kids.”. Both Teigan and Melissa will appear as a guest on Insight, which airs tonight at 8.30pm on SBS One. It got to a point where we could have six months without talking and it was normal, but that has lead to issues with trusting other women. It smashed my heart into a million pieces.”. Desperate not to lose his two sons, who were six and seven at the time, Melissa made a life decision that left her “traumatised”, but honoured her ex-husband’s wishes. Some do better than others at keeping their lives on track, but even those who aren’t so great at it tend to hide their worse traits from prying eyes. He wrote that he left his girlfriend and baby daughter during a time when he was in heavy debt, couldn’t find a job, was depressed, and began using controlled substances to “cope.” He ultimately decided his family would be better off without him, so he left—and regretted it every day thereafter. 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What reason would lead a mother to leave her children? Simply the World’s Most Interesting Travel Site. In 2010, twelve years after marrying her husband, Melissa Collins made the hardest decision of her life. In the United States, around one in five (19.6%) of working-age adults said the reason they were not working was because COVID-19 disrupted their childcare arrangements (Figure 1).. Of those not working, women ages 25-44 are almost three times … The man explained that he is losing his memory, sometimes speaks gibberish, has sleep disorders, depression, and can’t control his emotions. So why did she leave them behind? Many kids who have been abandoned by their moms have quite a bit to say on the matter as well. One self-proclaimed “deadbeat dad” on Reddit wrote that he had only ever seen his daughter one time, and he was fine with it that way. But some parents opt to leave their kids behind rather than try and make a life together. Asking for their mummy to “come home”, Melissa said there was no way she could go back — because to her, “it was impossible to stay married for the sake of the kids” and live a life of unhappiness. Writing for XO Jane, Te-Erika wrote about her experiences raising two kids with her college sweetheart, who was quickly working his way to a successful career as an attorney. Men walk out on families all the time without it making international news headlines. Log in, register or subscribe to save articles for later. Share . 0. While one study found that dads increased their childcare role during the pandemic, it also showed moms spent the most time in caring for children.. The only place to satisfy all of your guilty pleasures. Share Share Tweet Email Comment. Their offspring will learn from an early age that their role is to make their mother shine. “My mum came home from being out, and was supposed to come home at an earlier time, but she didn’t. Because she knew they were happy, settled, and thriving where they were—and she knew transplanting them would be worse than leaving them where they were with their dad. In dysfunctional families, parents tend to expose their children to things that are not appropriate for their age. trending in lifestyle. For those children, having a mom who deploys might be much more unusual. The thing was, Rahna Reiko Rizzuto never really wanted to have children. Serving up the hottest food trends and the inside scoop on restaurants worldwide. Well, we don't know that for a fact. It's worth adding that men who leave their families are often sorry later. Monday, June 23, 2014 . At the time, she wrote, she felt like her ability to financially provide for her two boys was tied to her overall worth as a person. He had suffered a traumatic brain injury at a young age, he wrote, and though he became a husband and father to four kids, he no longer has contact with them. Maybe if we didn't judge parents for giving up their kids then there would not be so many cases of child abuse. One dad answered a Reddit user’s question about why dads leave their families with an explanation of the events that went down following his split from his ex-wife. If you divorce a narcissist or someone with a cluster b personality disorder, sometimes the only way to avoid further legal issues, including the loss of freedom and/or money in a family court system that heavily favors women is to walk away, either temporarily or permanently. For some reason, the societal expectation is that moms will always stay and be nurturing caregivers while dads are more likely to jump in and out of their children’s lives on a whim. Her husband and boys would stay behind. But they seem to not allow themselves to go to that regret space very often. The thing is, there are stories from both groups of parents, and often, it’s not what it seems on the surface. Teigan, who remembers getting quite upset when both her parents couldn’t be with her at the same time, said her father got full custody of her and her older sister because their mum “didn’t have a stable home” at the time. Mothers who do leave seem to violate some natural order; where to leave their children -- even in the care of a loving and capable father -- is to abandon them to fate. Or when their family moves forward without them. Still, he confirmed that his now-grown daughter had lived a good life and was “better off without” him in the long run. i was so mixed up when i watched that. For most women, it's the one bond they'd never break. The mothers who did the walking away aren't heard from as much. Women are in the minority when it comes to parents who leave their children. He opted to stay away instead of going back to fight for his kids in his condition, because his wife decided he was a “burden,” he wrote. Moms who Leave their kids WOMEN & CHILDREN. did anyone see that program on sky 3 about the women who leave there families! “I remember a specific argument between my mum and dad late one night,” Ms Reid said. “When I started talking to others about my decision, and about how my sons lived with their dads, women would respond and say ‘I love my kids too much’ or ‘I could never do that and leave my kids’. Only a thought. It is certainly better that they leave rather than neglect or harm their child. Melissa Collins shares the reaction to her decision to leave her kids on Insight. There are even support groups now for women who decide to leave their children. Nationwide News Pty Limited Copyright © 2021. Now, after living with her mum for six months when she turned 17, and giving her a very open letter about how she felt towards their relationship, Teigan is mending the broken bond with her mum. Find out more about our policy and your choices, including how to opt-out. 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